Friendship in marriage

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Often it’s not those big efforts that matter most in a love relationship – fancy vacations, expensive gifts, and lavish dinners – but it’s everyday thoughtfulness that can really make or break a marriage.

Try getting in touch with each other in your daily and moment-by-moment lives by connecting in simple ways.

For example, go shopping with your wife if she asks you, even though you dislike it.

Buy your wife some of her favourite foods or desserts.

Watch your husband’s favourite sport on TV with him and get to know some of the players.

Remember to call and ask him how things went with that important client at work.

Help her clean up the kitchen after a nice meal.

Give him a block of time he needs to relax and unwind after a hectic day at work.

Run a bath for her. Make sure he’s got a dry towel after his shower.

Saying please and thank you may seem trivial, but they are important to the future of your relationship.

You get the picture.

There are myriad ways you can connect with your partner as a friend.

Sometimes we think these little things really don’t matter, that they are mundane and unimportant.

Our partner will never miss them if we don’t do them.

But this kind of thinking is just the tip of the iceberg of beginning to take our partner for granted.

Soon, our partner begins to feel taken for granted, and for good reason.

Research by renowned marriage expert John Gottman tells us couples who rarely connect in these simple, friendly ways are usually on the road to divorce.

If taking your partner for granted has crept into your love relationship, try consciously challenging yourself to think of some new ways you can connect with your partner.

Remember, simple is best.

See if your partner notices.

Nurturing your friendship with one another will not only set the stage for romance in your relationship but will ensure a long-lasting healthy marriage.

Kim Evoy is a former Surrey school trustee who now has a private practice in marriage and couples counselling. She writes bi-weekly for The Leader. Reach her at kim@watershedcounselling.com or visit www.watershedcounselling.com